I’m out having a great time with my girlfriends seeing Westside Story in downtown. I turn off my phone so that it doesn’t ring during the performance.  At the intermission, I check my phone and I find 2 voice messages and 3 text messages from Jason.  In a nutshell, he states that he is heading to the emergency room because Lila fell and bonked herself on the head.  I frantically call him back.  They have been in the emergency room for about an hour now.  Jason states that Lila should be fine and they will be discharged within the next hour.  Jason doesn’t think I need to leave the performance, but I’m still a little worried.  I arrive home and Lila is still awake…and this is what she looked like!! EEEEEK!  This could make any mother faint!

Lila's right eye is swollen shut

Although her shiner will last for a few weeks, we are very blessed that there was nothing significant.  No lacerations, no stitches, no broken bones!  Phew.  Lila, she is her usual self- bright and cheery.  Love my little peanut!

Rainbow carrots from our summer garden.

The awesome thing about summer in the Pacific Northwest is that it’s, simply put, awesome.  The weather is a perfect 75 degrees, no humidity, and get this, no bugs!  I am not exaggerating when I say that there are no bugs in the Pacific Northwest.  Okay, okay, maybe just a few here and there.  If the weather was like this year round ,well then we would be living in Berkeley (another one of my favorite places to live).  One of the sucky things about living here is that our summer is so short and the rainy season is so very long.  I’m not all exactly sure what we did this summer, but I do know that it was a busy one.

My parents left for VN at the end of August.  That was a very emotional time for me because I wasn’t sure (still not sure) when I would see my parents again.  Over the summer, both Miles and Lila went to summer school in which Miles hated every minute of it.  Then in September, both kids started preschool (at the same preschool Miles went to last year) and Miles is loving every minute of it.  Go figure!  Now that the kids are in the same classroom, they decided that they wanted to share a room with each other.  Hmm, not sure about the idea at first- Jason and I thought they would want to kill each other by the end of the night.  Recently, I heard a conversation between Miles and Lila.  ”Lila, are you happy?”  Lila responded, “Yes, I’m happy.”  Miles looked pleased, “That’s good, Lila.”  With a tug and a pull and a few bolts later, Miles and Lila’s convertible cribs were placed on Craigslist and we were off to a furniture store to buy the kids their Toy Story/Princess bunk beds.

It’s the beginning of October now and we just adopted Ruby at the Oregon Humane Society.  Going here this last week was a little bitter-sweet for me.  About two years-ago, we dropped off all of Kona’s left-over dog food and flea treatment here.  We figured, why keep these things around when another dog could use them, and, keeping all of her stuff was just a reminder of our sweet Kona.  Optimistic and ready for a new pooch in our home, we found Ruby, a 9 month-old chocolate lab mix.  She has been a wonderful addition to our home.  Though, she, more like Jason and myself, are going to need a lot of obedience training!

Miles has always been a pretty good sleeper.  We would put him in his crib, turn out the light and walk out the door.  We would not hear a peep from him until the morning.  Lila on the other hand is a different story.  That girl is a fantastic 4pm napper.  She falls asleep immediately while in the car, or sometimes sitting in a grocery cart.  Every parent knows that if-and-when a child naps around the 4pm evening time, the child will be partying until 11pm that night.  Well, maybe I should just say, our kids.  I have one friend who swears that her three year-old son can take a three-hour nap in the afternoon and still be able to go to bed around 7:3pm at night! Again, WOWA!

What has been the most frustrating lately is that J and I will do everything in our power to get Lila to stay awake in the afternoon.  We’ll tickle her, read books to her, force her to go outside and play…Sometimes she will go along with our games, but other times she screams, shouts, yells at us because she is mad that we are trying to keep her from napping.  When it comes to bedtime that night, J and I are sure that she will fall fast asleep at 8pm, but nooooooo, that girl is very disruptive.  She will go into Miles’s bed and wake him up (or keep him from sleeping), she’ll jump on her bed, read books, play dress up… J and I are having to constantly go in her room to tuck her back in bed, but like a jack-in-the-box, she pops out of bed again.  I feel like we have tried reasoning with her, being angry and frustrated with her, gently talking to her, screaming at her, punishing her, rewarding her for going to bed right away…EVERYTHING but nothing has worked!  We stopped giving Lila naps when she was around 18 months old because she would stay up at night.

It’s 9:15pm as I write this blog.  In the other room, I can hear Lila singing to herself and playing with her doll while Miles is fast asleep.  This afternoon, Lila screamed at me for ohhh, about a half-hour, because I would not let her nap.  Where does this kid get all of her energy?  Why don’t kids understand that SLEEP IS A FANTASTIC THING!  Just got to sleep my child!

Lila pushing Miles in a stroller at Newport Aquarium

Pictures of our new siding and windows:

https://picasaweb.google.com/jasondriver2008/SidingProject?authkey=Gv1sRgCIG-zIG2x9fNowE&feat=content_notification#

My dad’s dementia seems much worse since he has gotten back home from Vietnam.  He’s unable to care for himself and it moves me to see my mom care for him.  It’s absolute love and devotion.  For Mother’s Day today, my mom stated she wanted some rest, but unfortunately, that didn’t happen.  I tried to get my dad off the couch and I nearly strained my back.  What was I thinking?  I have zero nursing skills or any experience working with older folks.  I asked my mom for some help and with a quick push and a pull, my dad was up and off the couch.  Wowa, I was amazed at my mom’s strength!

I can see why people put their loved ones in nursing homes now.  It is extremely hard work.  I told my mom the other day that taking care of dad is like taking care of a baby, but worse sometimes.  If Lila is moving slow, at least I can pick her up and put her on my hips.  You can’t do that to a grown man who weighs 140 pounds.  It has come to the reality that my mom, brother and I will need to help my mom transition dad into a nursing home.  I think that if my mom continues to care for my dad the way she is doing now, eventually, she will also deteriorate.  In the past year, I’ve watched my mom grow older and tired.  I had a serious talk with my mom this weekend.  I told her that if dad could not be around to see his grandkids, then she will need to be.  She can’t do this if she continues to take care of my dad at home.

I was with a girlfriend the other evening.  Her father has been in a nursing home for over 10 years.  It was nice to get her perspective.  One thing she told me was that there is a waitlist for nursing homes.  Really?!  I had no idea there is a waitlist.  I thought you could just register your loved one and then they were admitted.  I told my mom this, and we have decided that this next weekend, I will head back up to Seattle, and we will do some nursing home visits/tours.  We must keep in mind that this will help my mom and dad’s quality of life, but of course, affect them in different ways.

Our princess turned 3 today (come back to this post in a few days to view pictures of her party today).  About a half hour before her birthday party, she spiked a fever and looked “puffy.”  I dosed her with some children’s Tylenol.  She had a wonderful time at her party with all her friends, but as soon as everyone left, she had the shivers and her fever returned.  I dosed her with Motrin this time and put her in her pajamas.  I turned around to grab some things, and when I turned back, she had tucked herself in bed.  I whispered to Lila, “Do you want to open your presents?”  She fell right to sleep.  Poor thing.  Hopefully she’ll feel better tomorrow and will want to open her presents.

We left for vacation as tired and cranky toddlers and parents, and returned as relaxed and rejuvenated children and parents.  The cruise was a great bonding experience for the Drivers.  Jason and I got a lot of alone time (we sent the kids off to childcare on the cruise ship) which was much needed.  The kids got out of their usual routine (which can be very scary sometimes with young children) which forced them to be more independent (in many aspects) but also look out for one another.  Several times Miles would hold Lila back from a big ocean wave.  Lila would always make sure she and Miles got ice cream cones right after breakfast, lunch, snack, and then dinner.  And Jason and myself, well, we made sure we always had an umbrella drink in one hand and each others hands in the other.

I’m not sure if cruises are our thing, but it was a great experience and I’m glad we did it.  Now we can say, been there done that.  I like the all-inclusive package of a cruise, but I don’t want to be limited to just staying on the ship.  I like the idea of jumping in a car on a whim and going for a drive, or go for a swim at the beach or at the hotel pool.  I think if we do another all-inclusive package, it will be at a vacation resort.  None the less, we all had a great time on our cruise and we are thankful for the experience and most thankful that we have turned a corner.

One of the really neat things I got to observe last night was the difference between boys and girls.  This little girl loves to draw, color and write.  Her pictures have details and her writing is impeccable.  She asked me how to spell ’Feel Better Mommy.’  I was flabbergasted at how well she was writing…for a four year-old!  Part of me wanted to show Miles her writing and say, “See Miles, look how pretty she writes!!”  But I withheld.  Miles was on other side of the house playing with some toys making crashing, screeching, and siren sounds with his mouth.  Coloring and writing would be the last thing he would want to do at a friend’s home.  Boys are just busy.  Well, our boy is particularly busy.  Everyday, Jason and I try to sit down with Miles and work on his letters, but Miles gets impatient and wants to get up and play. 

Do I wish Miles could write just as well as this little girl?  Of course I do!  But I know it’s something that Miles is not interested in now, and he probably won’t be journaling any time soon.  What I have to say about Miles is that he has a wonderful and creative imagination.  He’s great at telling stories and he includes much detail and suspense.  He also loves music so that is something we encourage a lot of in our home.  I was talking about this with another girlfriend of mine recently.  By the time Miles gets to high school, much or all of his writing will be done on the computer.  There is something to be said about having nice penmanship, but the reality is, some kids are not as interested as others. 

This story kind of reminds me of an interaction my parents had a few years ago.  When my father’s dementia started to really take over, we (my parents and my brother) took my father in to a Neurology appointment.  I remember the physician asked my father to write a short sentence (a Neurologist may ask a patient to write a short sentence as part of a Mental Status Examination).  I was sitting across the room and couldn’t see what he had written.  Afterwards, he put his pencil down and looked at his wife and smiled. I saw my mom tear up.  I thought immediately that my dad probably wrote some random words and letters on the paper.  When I peeked over to see what he had written, in his most perfect penmanship, my father wrote: “I love my wife.” 

This is probably the last sentence he wrote before he declined significantly.

Mama: I know it’s hard to understand, but mama needs to go to work so that we can live in our house, have food on our plates, have warm clothes to wear, and be able to buy fun things. People go to work to make money, and we use money to pay for things.  Money doesn’t grow on trees ya know. 

Miles: (all he hears is blah, blah, blah)…I want moneeeee to grow on treeeees!!!

Mama: I know you don’t want mama to go to work.  I don’t want to go to work either.  I want to stay home and play with you, but you know what, when I get home, we’ll do lots of playing together, okay?!

Miles:  (sniffle)…okay.

Mama: (my heart drops and my eyes get teary as I watch Miles plaster his face against the window with a look of despair like, “Don’t leave me!” as I drive off in my car. Sigh! Working mom’s guilt.)

Everyday I am very thankful that I am able to leave my kids at home with their daddy and not at a daycare or at a sitter, thankful that we are able to be a one-income household, and thankful I have job security at my work.  Fact is- I love my work, I love what I do, and I went to school, which seemed like forever, so I want to use my degree.  Only a few folks can honestly say that they look forward to going to their job everyday.  I’m passionate about what I do.  It’s a dream job, really! 

When Miles was born, I took off the first six months to be home with him.  I enjoyed being at home with Miles, but I  remembered how isolating and lonesome it was to be a stay-at-home mom.  All of my friends were at work.  I couldn’t really do any playgroups because Miles was still an infant.  What I think was most challenging about being a stay-at-home parent was that Miles was a colicky baby.  He was constantly crying, fussing, and puking.  He had what we called his, “witching hour” between 3pm to 9pm- this required both Jason and I to do the 5 S’s with Miles (Shush, Suck, Swaddle, Swing, and turned him Sideways).   There were some days I went a little stir crazy.  Part of my personality is to always be on the go.  When I am home on the weekends with the kids, I can’t sit still.  We are always out doing something.  I enjoy being with them, but I also enjoy being out and about in the city going to parks, restaurants, shopping, and visiting with friends.

What I’ve learned over the past four years (since being a mom) is that you gotta do what feels right to you.  I love being a mom, but I also love going to work.  When I come home, I feel rejuvenated.  I am full of energy and excitement to see my family.  They fill my heart with so much love.

I’ve gotten past the- ”Why can’t I be a stay-at-home-mom?!”- phase.  I’ve come to the conclusion that I am happy at work, and happiest when I come home to my family.  This doesn’t resolve the fact that I feel guilty when I leave my kids in the morning, but I try to remain focused and positive- I’m gonna go to work today and as soon as I am done, I’m going to come right home to spend quality-time with them.  Happy mom equals happy family! ha