The other day, my oldest niece was watching her grandma (my mom) care for her grandpa. Grandma asked, “Lexi, when I get to be like this, will you help take care of me, the same way I am taking care of grandpa?” Lexi responded, “Yes!”
My dad’s dementia seems much worse since he has gotten back home from Vietnam. He’s unable to care for himself and it moves me to see my mom care for him. It’s absolute love and devotion. For Mother’s Day today, my mom stated she wanted some rest, but unfortunately, that didn’t happen. I tried to get my dad off the couch and I nearly strained my back. What was I thinking? I have zero nursing skills or any experience working with older folks. I asked my mom for some help and with a quick push and a pull, my dad was up and off the couch. Wowa, I was amazed at my mom’s strength!
I can see why people put their loved ones in nursing homes now. It is extremely hard work. I told my mom the other day that taking care of dad is like taking care of a baby, but worse sometimes. If Lila is moving slow, at least I can pick her up and put her on my hips. You can’t do that to a grown man who weighs 140 pounds. It has come to the reality that my mom, brother and I will need to help my mom transition dad into a nursing home. I think that if my mom continues to care for my dad the way she is doing now, eventually, she will also deteriorate. In the past year, I’ve watched my mom grow older and tired. I had a serious talk with my mom this weekend. I told her that if dad could not be around to see his grandkids, then she will need to be. She can’t do this if she continues to take care of my dad at home.
I was with a girlfriend the other evening. Her father has been in a nursing home for over 10 years. It was nice to get her perspective. One thing she told me was that there is a waitlist for nursing homes. Really?! I had no idea there is a waitlist. I thought you could just register your loved one and then they were admitted. I told my mom this, and we have decided that this next weekend, I will head back up to Seattle, and we will do some nursing home visits/tours. We must keep in mind that this will help my mom and dad’s quality of life, but of course, affect them in different ways.
